Opinion ColumnsCulture

Issue Two: Dear Miss Lola

By Miss Lola

Hello all you students, teachers and all you nice people that support The Guardsman. This is your ever-loving beauty Miss Lola here, bringing you some answers to your thought-provoking questions. I have learned a lot during my travels from the cotton fields of Georgia to the majestic redwoods of the Pacific Northwest, and currently work as a health professional in San Francisco with 12 years of experience in the HIV, STI and community service fields. I bring that knowledge to you in order to help you with any questions you might have about love, life and happiness. Now without further ado, let’s see what our first letter has to say…

Hello Miss Lola,

I’m considering taking birth control pills. I heard they have some pretty bad side effects, is there anything I can do to avoid those?


Hello Anonymous,

I would have to say that most side effects from birth control pills are pretty mild and one can never truly know what’s going to happen unless they try. I for one don’t need to use them anymore but I suggest talking to your doctor (if you have private healthcare) or talk to someone at City College’s Health Center about side effects and what other alternatives forms of birth control are available.

Yo Lola,

How common is it for a man to get a hernia through sexual activities or masturbation? Does this ever actually happen?


Hello Rod,

Though I have never heard of a man getting a hernia through sexual activites or masturbation I’m sure it is possible if you and your partner (or by yourself) try difficult Kama Sutra-like positions and you have not properly stretched or are not limber enough. My suggestion is to try new positions and if you can’t quite make a certain position work, take a break, stretch and try again later because practice makes perfect.

Hi Miss Lola,

I’m taking a health class and the textbook says the vagina is self-cleaning. I douche sometimes, is it really harmful? I’m so used to it.

Student with a habit

Hello Student,

Yes, the vagina is self-cleaning and you should avoid douching because it strips away the vagina’s natural bacteria that keeps us safe from various infections. If one douches improperly it could also push an infection farther up into the vaginal canal and can cause serious problems for our fallopian tubes, uterus and ovaries. Simple soap and warm water is enough to keep our vaginas clean and happy.

How are you doing Miss Lola?

I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend, but she’s a little nervous about hurting her because neither of us has ever done it before. Any tips for us?

Experimental in SF

Hello Experimental,

Now child, I speak from experience when I say that it will hurt the first couple of times you try to have anal sex. If you are really dead set on trying it I would have to say take it slow, very slow, as the sphincter will be very tight. Also use a generous amount of lubrication before and during anal sex. If you are persistent and slow it can be an enjoyable experience for both you but if you both rush I guarantee that she won’t let you touch her sexually for a long, long time. (Editor’s note: Lola answers a follow-up question and clarifies condom usage during sex in Issue 3.)

Hello Lola,

I’m 22 and I recently started having sex, but after every time, I get bad cramps in my lower abdomen. How can I tell if this normal for people who’ve just started having sex, or could there be something wrong?

Mad at sex

Hello Mad,

My first suggestion is to go and see you doctor or come to the Health Center here on campus because you might have done a number of different things. The first is you could have something in or on you’re vagina that could be irritated by sex. Also, sometimes cramping could be set off by your hormones or can be an early sign of pregnancy. Again these are only a few of the things that could be happening so please see a medical professional for a proper screening.

Well, that’s all for now my sweets. I hope my words have helped you through this interesting time in your lives and remember, Miss Lola loves you all because you all love each other.


Got a question for Miss Lola? You can submit your questions to her anonymously online at TheGuardsman.com

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