‘Our Junk’ is great, so check it out
By Nick Palm
The Guardsman
Finally, a humorously noneducational look at the awkward human glory that is sex.
The five writers who make up the Association for the Betterment of Sex have come together with their first guidebook — “Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk.”
The fictional ABS includes Michael Sacks, Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder and Ted Travelstead, who all have made names for themselves as writers for “Vanity Fair,” “The Daily Show,” “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” “The Onion,” and “McSweeny’s.”
The book jumps straight into human sexual anatomy, blatantly misconstruing facts such as the size and shape of the average male penis (the artist’s rendering, looks oddly like a portobello mushroom), and creatively re-naming parts of the vagina (“Skid Row,” “Glitteris,” and “Drifter’s Bus Stop,” for example).
Following chapters include mockeries of foreplay, masturbation, and a delightful, yet completely irresponsible take on fetishes, domination and multiple sex partners. To grasp the ridiculousness of the latter chapters, consider the fact that the book takes two pages to help the reader choose “the perfect interior decorator for your basement dungeon.”
Each chapter ends with a list of witty sexual “facts” based on the reading. After reading a section on attraction, I learned, “The male sex pheromone is most closely replicated by the scent of a spicy-chicken sandwich from Wendy’s.”
After the fetish chapter, the fact was presented that, “Sixty-three percent of all girl-girl-guy threesomes end with the male prematurely ejaculating and then sitting alone in the kitchen drinking a Diet Sunkist.”
“Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk,” however hilarious, is not the type of book you should read with your lover in bed. Its perfect place is on the coffee table where it can be enjoyed for hours when friends come over — then stored on the highest shelf of the closet when your parents visit.
Written by some of the country’s best comedy writers, this book was not meant to be taken seriously. It’s a naive look at a remarkably complex subject that is well written, very smart and a must have for anyone who appreciates the humor of “The Daily Show” or Conan.