The Water Cooler, part one

As I sit on my reclining couch flipping through the sports channels, I think to myself, “Are we really in a recession?”

If you’re defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, you probably don’t even know how to spell recession. Big Albert is the first ever defensive player in the NFL to sign a contract that could be worth up to $115 million. The Washington Redskins have guaranteed Haynesworth at least $43 million; all for a man who hasn’t played a full season since his rookie year.

Recently, the Niners sent a private jet to pick up free agent quarterback Kurt Warner. They wined and dined him in an attempt to guide him toward the 49ers. Warner said he “heard a voice from God” that told him he should remain in Arizona and two days later re-signed a deal to stay a Cardinal.

The Niners want to implement a power running game, acquiring a quarterback who wants to throw the ball 40 times a game would have made no sense. Thank God.

One player I want the Niners to bring on is wide receiver Terrell Owens. Yeah, that’s right, I said it.

Niners head coach Mike Singletary is a coach who takes no bull and demands focus. He has command of his locker room and I bet he’d be able to get T.O. to put all his energy into football and stop acting like a kid. He has already humbled one loose cannon Vernon Davis.

Can you imagine Frank Gore, Vernon Davis, and Owens on the field all at once? No defensive coordinator in the NFL would look forward to playing against that trio; not on any given Sunday. (As of press time Terrell Owens signed a one year deal with the Buffalo Bills. There goes my fantasy!)

Just as money won’t buy a football championship, not scoring runs in baseball won’t win games. Will the San Francisco Giants have a player who can hit 20 home runs this season? Giants fans: get ready for a third place finish. The Giants should have spent money on Manny Ramirez — even in a recession that would have been a smart gamble.

While I am happy to be making $10 an hour at a coffee shop during our so-called “recession,” your boy Man-Ram, slugger Manny Ramirez, recently accepted a two-year $45 million offer from the Los Angeles Dodgers and actually felt disrespected by it.

Hell, I don’t blame him! I feel underpaid too — I write articles for the Guardsman, pour cups of coffee in the darkest morning hours, and I can still make my editor-in-chief smile on a bad day.

Tell me that’s not worth some millions. Perhaps “recession” is relative.