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Issue Three: Dear Miss Lola

Hello my lovelies, Miss Lola here and I am just so ecstatic about the positive response for my little column. A lot of letters have been coming in from students and non-students alike and I love it, so keep’em coming.
Now, I have been around the block a few times, but I am never so bold to think that I know everything. It’s easy to forget that not everyone is on the same page regarding sex and love. But if that WAS the case, then child, Miss Lola would be out of a job and with that we go into our first letter:

Dear Miss Lola,
I don’t mean to nitpick, however, in your response to Experimental in SF (Issue 2 of The Guardsman), I think you might have forgotten to stress the importance of using a condom during anal sex. You are in a position to advocate safe sex and there may be folks who do not know that anal sex is one cause of HIV. I suggest clarifying this point in your next column.

Hello dear,

You are definitely not nitpicking. Yes, people should always use condoms for any type of receptive anal or vaginal sex. I like to think that my oversight was due to my hope that everyone in this time and age uses proper precautions to protect themselves and others during sex because of the risk of contracting HIV/AIDS.
As much as I hope that is not the case, according to the San Francisco Department of Public Health the number of people living with HIV/AIDS in San Francisco has increased from 13,649 in 2002 to 15,470 in 2007. If you are not sure, please educate yourselves about the dangers of contracting the virus, so you are not putting yourself or anyone else at risk.

City College has an array of different services for people who are living with HIV/AIDS and also for people who want to learn more about the disease itself. The HIV/STI Prevention Studies Peer Activities Room/Project SAFE Club is a fantastic resource for education, information, referrals and free condoms. For more information please call (415) 452-5070 or (415) 452-5202. The Ocean campus Student Health Center offers
STD/STI as well.

Please take care of yourselves and use condoms every time. Sex should be fun—not deadly.

Dear Miss Lola,
I’ve been sexually active for a while and have had many exciting romps with men and women of all ages (nothing illegal, of course). I get excited at the thought of a sexual conquest but my problem is this: I’ve been involved in a serious relationship for the last 18 months, and my partner is not only inexperienced, but also extremely shy. It even takes her a while for her to warm up to me when we get intimate. I don’t know if that’s because of her lack of experience or she is just not sexually adventurous. I really want to be more adventurous with her but I don’t know where to start. How can I get her to open up sexually without making her feel uncomfortable, or in the worst case, leaving me because she feels I’m too kinky?
-Kinky Kat

Hello Miss Kat,

Meow my dear, it sounds to me like you love and care a great deal for this kitten. This will help you because you might have a long road of sexual exploration ahead of you. Above all, make sure you both are up for the journey.

My first suggestion is to make sure that your partner knows the lines of communication in your relationship are always open and that she can confide in you. Work with her to build her trust. In this area of your relationship, you are the teacher with experience to share and your partner needs to know that it is OK for her to learn from you.

Ask your partner if she has ever fantasized about anything kinky—it will probably be nothing you haven’t heard before—but you have to remember that you are the pro and be open to her thoughts, even if they are more vanilla that you want.

After you have heard her fantasies it’s your job to make them come true. Pick an easy one and with your partner make that one a reality. This will help her see that it is safe to explore her fantasies and because it’s hers personally, she will feel more in control and might be willing to explore other fantasies. Let her see that it is OK to explore the different sides of sex with you.

Another idea would be to talk and practice intimacy with her and make her a part of this process because it could bring you closer together. Read books together on intimacy or use the Web to search out some resources.

An intimacy exercise that might work would be to slowly undress each other a pitch black room. When you are both naked, just reach out to each other and in black silence—no talking—find each other, touching and exploring your bodies in pitch black bliss.

Enjoy yourselves and above all have fun with this journey. Be open to trying a variety of new things. Be patient with your partner: you didn’t go from a kitten to a Kat overnight.

Well my darlings my time—and space—is about up for this week’s column so I’ll blow you all a kiss and wish you a happy Folsom Street Fair (Sept. 28). If you see Miss Lola in her leather, blow me a kiss.

Got a question for Miss Lola? You can submit your questions to her anonymously online at TheGuardsman.com

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